What Is Confidence?
Every month more than two million people worldwide search Google for confidence. That is an astounding number, but what if this is not what they should be searching for, on Google or in their lives?
I will be discussing this topic for the next several weeks. But let’s start by answering the question by defining it.
For me, the best way to define confidence is by showing its’ synonyms.
Confidence = esteem, pride, respect, reliance, assurance, trust and belief.
So self-confidence = self-esteem, self-respect, self-reliance, self-trust, self-assurance/sure of self, and belief in oneself.
Although they are considered synonyms, I see them as interrelated but not exactly the same; one can lead to another. I also see belief in oneself as a choice.
There are three different types of confidence:
When people talk about lacking confidence they are usually referring to personal and interpersonal confidence.
Then there is internally-driven confidence and externally-driven confidence. Are you looking for the “right” kind?
Externally -Driven Confidence
- Outside validation
Internally -Driven Confidence
- Gaining knowledge (education) and skills
- Knowing and playing to your strengths, skills, talents, and gifts,
- Listening to your intuition, inner guidance, and gut feelings
- Self-validation (not waiting for others to say encouraging things to you-give yourself what you need or wish you could get from others); affirmations, pep-talks
- Self-awareness → comfortable with yourself
- Being authentic – when you are behaving from you personal truths, beliefs and values
- Being authentic will lead to authentic belonging. Finding where you can express your truths and not be judged. Finding where you feel “at home,” where you feel safe, supported and encouraged. [For me it was in the Goth/metal sub-culture.]
- Becoming self-reliant/self-sufficient → self-trust
- False Confidence/Ego – feeling superior, being right, winning, creating envy, judging, gossiping. [I will get further into this later.]
What Blocks Confidence?
- Fears, self-consciousness
- Loss, failure, abandonment, abuse, neglect
- Rejection, not feeling like you belong, needing to fit in → behaving in a way that goes against who you are (authentic you) to “make” yourself fit in. can you really be confident in yourself when you are not acting like yourself?
- Self-doubt and insecurity due to focusing on what’s missing and what’s wrong
How Do We Get Internally-Driven Self-Confidence?
Belief in self comes from:
- Becoming self-reliant = self-sufficient
- Developing self-awareness:
- know your strengths, skills, talents, and gifts,
- know your limits by testing them; leaving your comfort zone and facing your fears
- Believing in a sacred contract and/or higher power which helps you believe you have everything you need (internally and externally)
- Believing everything happens for a reason (EHFAR) and that everything happens in Divine right time and Divine right order, therefore, there are no attachment to outcomes and can handle any situation
- Choosing -choose affirmations that program you to believe in yourself
Self-Trust comes from:
- Listening to your intuition
- Listening to inner guidance
- Listening to gut feelings
- Being self-reliant
- Knowing you can handle any situation because you know how to self-soothe
Self-Reliance comes from developing skills for:
- Independent living
- Independent thinking
- Problem solving
- Decision making
- Self- discipline/control
Self-esteem comes from:
- Acting with self-respect (another synonym for self-esteem that I see as different)
- Acting with self-worth/valuing yourself
- Acting with compassion and love
- Acting with fearlessness
- Acting with self-trust
- Doing your best
- Acting with integrity and honor
- Taking on challenges, and the result doesn’t change how you feel about yourself because you are proud of yourself for the effort and for just trying.
I am aware that there is a great deal of overlap, but I wanted to open the discussion and open your minds to all the possibilities before I get into the downsides.
Check back for the next installment, where I will delve into my theories on why these may not be the best goals to pursue.
Much of this is still a work in progress, so I welcome all feedback.
May you perceive and receive all your blessings.
With Much Love,
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