Knowing your needs is the key to self-awareness and to having good relationships. Identifying your level for each of the most common needs will be of great value in order to understand yourself. It will also help you choose a well-suited career path and a compatible partner, before committing to either. This is because it will help you know what to look for in order to satisfy your needs and thus, optimize your chance for satisfaction and fulfillment.

If you want, you can mark an X for currently and a P for the past, to show you how your needs have changed.

(I’ve put two copies in so you only have to print once.)

Low  Low Average Average High

Average

 High
1. Willingness to take risks

(financially, emotionally, physically)
2. # of relationships in your life
3. # of close relationships in your life
4. Need to have your own way
5. Need to have the last word
6. Need to own people
7. Need to be seen as right
8. Need for alone time
9. Need to follow the rules
10. Need to conform [fit in]
11. Need for learning
12. Need to laugh/play/have fun?

 

 

Low  Low Average Average High

Average

 High
1. Willingness to take risks

(financially, emotionally, physically)
2. # of relationships in your life
3. # of close relationships in your life
4. Need to have your own way
5. Need to have the last word
6. Need to own people
7. Need to be seen as right
8. Need for alone time
9. Need to follow the rules
10. Need to conform
11. Need for learning
12. Need to laugh/play/have fun?

 

To determine relationship compatibility:

1. Have you and your partner fill in the chart by placing a check in the applicable box representing your level of need at this time.

2. If you have been together for many years and/or if you are having problems, place an X in the applicable box representing your level of need earlier in your relationship. This will show which needs have changed, which ones are no longer compatible, and where your relationship has changed. [I had my parents do this, it was very illuminating.]

3.If you are interested, you can also mark a B for “before we met” to see your full trajectory of change in your needs.

#1 depicts the level of need for survival, security and predictability, (or novelty and spontaneity); may have fears and anxiety issues

#2 and 3 reflect the level of need for belonging and acceptance; could also be reflective of fear of being alone, need for attention, need for outside validation

#4-7 reflect the level of need for control (ego needs)

#8-10 reflect the level of need for freedom

#11 and 12 reflect the need for learning and fun

For yourself, look at where you have high levels of need and where they are low. Investigate. How do they impact your life? What needs aren’t being met? What needs do I need to ask for? What needs can I meet myself?

For couples, compare your areas of high and low need. Use the descriptors to discuss where you are together and where you can improve. Understanding each others needs will make you a better partner.

You would think that common levels of need would be compatible, but that is not the case with two people with high levels of need for control or attention. They are not compatible and in addition, such people do not make good parents.

It also bears mentioning that two people with high levels of need for freedom will be compatible; however, they will not make good parents.

As always, any questions, comments or disagreements are welcome, and encouraged!

May you perceive and receive all your blessings.

With Much Love,

Rev. Michele

Copyright © 2012 Indigo Sky, LLC; All Rights Reserved

This work was derived from William Glasser’s Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom, an illuminating and useful read from the field of psychology.