Why Is There An Epidemic Of Low Self-Esteem?

Posted by on May 14, 2013 | 5 comments

Why Is There An Epidemic Of Low Self-Esteem?

Why Is There An Epidemic Of Low Self-Esteem?

Eleanor Roosevelt said, most profoundly, “No one can make us feel inferior without our consent.” It took me a long while to understand this.

As previously discussed, our emotional needs as a developing human are delivered to us by an external source; they can be:

  • Delivered directly (received/provided or taught)
  • Indirectly (allowed/developed or modeled)
  • or both.

During the dependent phase, the caregiver’s responsibility is more about providing needs to the developing human, and in the preparation phase, it is more about allowing of needs.  It is the caregiver’s responsibility to prepare the developing human for the productivity phase.

However, we have to be able to receive what is being provided for us.

There are beliefs that can block us from receiving.

About Beliefs

We all have beliefs; some of them we’re aware of and others we aren’t. We learned many of our beliefs about ourselves by how we were treated and how others reacted to us. Some things were trained to believe, while others you may have inherited by force, adopted by default or chosen to fit in.

Regardless of whether we know about them or not, they have a major impact on how our lives take shape and run. They affect us either positively or negatively. The good news is we can choose our beliefs!

By becoming aware of all our beliefs and deciding which ones help us and which ones hider or hurt us, we can change the course of our lives. We can let go of those that don’t serve us; ones that may have served a purpose earlier in our lives to keep us safe, and ones that were never helpful in the first place.

For many years I harbored some very negative and very destructive and therefore, limiting beliefs about myself and my life.  Maybe you’re familiar with some of them.

  • I’m not good enough to …
  • I’m not attractive enough to …
  • I’m not smart enough to…
  • Life is pain.
  • I won’t be complete until I find my “soul mate.”
  • No one will ever love me. (I was referring to romantic love only.)
  •  Nobody understands me.
  • Bad things always happen to me.
  • Anything that can go wrong will go wrong; aka Murphy’s Law (I had even nicknamed myself Murphy.)

I was never told I was ugly or stupid, or any of the other things either. Although my parents provided for all my emotional needs, I didn’t develop self-esteem.

I interpreted every action others made toward me through the eyes of my own self-consciousness and self-disgust.

I was basing my beliefs on the perceptions of my experiences only; perceptions and experiences created by an introvert in pain and collected in only a few short years.

Some may call it Law of Attraction or the Law of Cause and Effect. Psychologists would call it a psychological imperative where we behave in a way that makes our outer world match our inner beliefs.

Whatever you want to call it, your thoughts and your beliefs are creating your experience of your life.

I’ve come to see that one belief is probably the source of all the others.

I’m not good enough.

This is the most destructive belief of all.

 

Blocking

If you’re holding this belief, it is blocking you from receiving and allowing many of the blessings you actually wish for in your life.

When you hold this belief you may push away people or blessings with your behavior (consciously or unconsciously). We do this because we don’t feel worthy, of their attention, admiration or love. You may be blocking:

  • The nurturing you need
  • To feel loved
  • The support you need
  • Belonging
  • To feel secure
  • Validation for who you are (compliments)
  • To get the help you need
  • To feel heard
  • The confidence that comes with a job well done

(It is probably even blocking you from perceiving the truth of your existence; recognizing the spiritual perfection at the core of you.)

If you don’t’ receive these things, you will not develop self-esteem and confidence.

So, low self-esteem may be caused by external influences or lack of, but it also may be caused by the wall erected by your own beliefs that won’t let it in.

We can continue to believe what harms and hinders us or we can choose to believe what helps us to achieve emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical well-being. You can choose to adopt beneficial beliefs.

Come back soon to see the conclusion The Two Beneficial Beliefs You Can CHOOSE to Create Confidence and Course-Correct Your Life.

Please leave you stories, comments or questions below.

 

May you perceive and receive all your blessings.

With Much Love,

Rev. Michele

Copyright © 2013 Indigo Sky, LLC; All Rights Reserved

5 Comments

  1. I have observe these very things in my own life… it was only until a few years ago when I seriously and deeply looked at what I was doing and why. I started to unravel the truth about what I actually thought about myself and saw and looked into the beliefs that were holding me back … and the chains that I had unknowingly put around myself…. and seeing that has changed my life… I feel a lot of comfort in the fact you are talking about these things. I truly believe and more than that, have experienced and continue to experience the truth of this.
    Thanks michele. much love from Brussels

    • Much Love to You in Brussels, Ninja.
      Thank you so much for sharing. I like the way you described this: “the beliefs that were holding me back

  2. I’m 38. Yeah sometimes I do think that. but I was where I was so.
    I don’t really try to spread the word. I share my own experiences… People are where they are and they either hear you or not… so I try not to push to much what I think about them.. but rather speak about my own life… without preaching. And I try to stay connected to myself when they are goign through there things or telling about some event… and listening without trying to solve things for them. I realise that their journey is important. Like mine is :).. I do my darndest to let them get on with it but also to not reperess what I feel about things… i think the basic is to always be connected as much to yourself and aware of yourslef and stuff in all situations. That is what I am discovery for myslef more and more. and things automatically seem to stream or flow on their own.
    I cannot live anyones life for them which believe me I have tried to do in the past!!! haha

    I did a lot of things out fear. And to try to get people in to place where I needed them to be instead of letting them be what they were and then making a concious choice of where I was going to be, or what I was going to do or tolerate. Not from fear, but of RESPECT and REAL CARE for myself.
    I was so scared to speak up for myself or say my true feelings and when I did I came with a lot of agression/defensiveness, I call it ‘a lot of bat’! 🙂 But now I don’t need the bat so much. I have put it down. Sometimes I feel myself reaching for it 🙂 but I feel it and I just check in with myself or call a friend and talk it out a bit.
    To be vulnerable has been the most difficult thing, but also the most rewarding thing. Because I didn’t realise that showing myself and standing in my own truth no matter what, would make me feel the connection which I have craved my whole life. That connection I deeply feel is to myself and therefore automatically others.

    I hope this makes sense. I didn’t check for typos or nonsensical sentences 🙂

    🙂
    What do you think about helping others?
    and how old are you?
    Ninja

    • Hi Ninja,
      I was asking because one of my hopes is to help people get to the truth as early as possible. The experiences are our teachers.
      But you are spreading the word, through modeling/teaching by example. This is a very powerful method of teaching!
      I am grateful you are no longer being guided by fear; it is a cruel and painful master. Acting out of self-respect and self-care will definitely guide you down a more peaceful path like finding the connection you most need is the one with yourself!
      I think if people are asking for help, either consciously/directly or unconsciously/behaviorally, I am here to help.
      Thank you again for sharing. Keep living your truth and you will help more people than you will ever know!
      Peace,
      Michele

      • 🙂 Cheers.

        Peace Michele

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