How to Heal Abandonment Issues
Does your story begin with “My mom/dad died or left when I was __years old.” or “I never knew my (real) mom/dad.”? Unless and until you have dealt with it, you will have subconscious abandonment issues that affect your thoughts, beliefs, behavior, and thus, your relationships. You need healing! Whether you are aware of it or not, you are probably holding feelings of abandonment, neglect or rejection deep inside of you. You must let go of them!
- acknowledging the cause
- understanding the effects
- accepting that the past cannot be changed
- grieving the losses
- forgiving the past and the people responsible, and forgiving yourself for any perceived blame and guilt
- taking steps to repair the damage
What To Grieve
The perception of having been abandoned, neglected and rejected is a loss that must be grieved if one is to heal and have productive, fulfilling relationships and a fulfilling life. It is a loss of great magnitude as it is multifaceted. It can include but is not limited to the loss of:
- the idea of having the ideal family
- having a mother and/or father to guide and teach you
- that biological connection
- the extended biological family
How to Grieve
To grieve is to release the pain; physically, emotionally and mentally, by:
- talking them out
- writing them out
This is moving the emotions out of your body so you can prevent any dis-ease from taking hold, and so you can be free of the thoughts and beliefs they create; the thoughts and beliefs that contaminate your current relationships and your life in general. This is letting go. Repairing the damage requires healing the beliefs created by the situation and the thoughts you think about the situation. These will heal the behaviors created by the situation. Healing will free you from what is blocking your ability to receive the blessings of love in all forms, including loving yourself and self-esteem. And healing yourself can be your first act of self-love!
Solutions for Healing Yourself of Abandonment or Neglect Issues
You can heal yourself at any age.
1. Give yourself what you wish you had received, most notably acceptance; in the form of Self-Acceptance. Evolve past your need to be accepted by others by accepting yourself.
2. If you perceive a hole in your heart or an emptiness in your life, seek out any possible parties to connect with, get answers from or create a relationship with.
3. Be understanding of the circumstances that lead to your perceived abandonment. In most cases, it was not intentional or was done for your highest good. Develop trust in yourself to handle any future rejection/abandonment by developing:
4. The ability to not take things personally. (This will be the subject of a future post.)
5. Gratitude for what is: Focus on what you have, not what is missing. Bless the person or people who did take care of you.
6. Gain Self-Sufficiency/self-reliance: this will lead to increased self-respect, self-worth, self-esteem/confidence, and self-acceptance
Healing Your Negative, Limiting Beliefs with Beneficial Beliefs:
1) I AM lovable, valuable and worthy.
2) I AM a cherished child of the Universal Spirit. I am loved, protected and valued always, in all ways.
3) It wasn’t my fault!
4) But if you can or do believe in a sacred contract, it was your choice! Believe that you chose this life-experience to learn the specific lessons you wanted and needed to learn to evolve your spirit.
5) Believing that everything happens for a reason (EHFAR) will help you forgive. Examine the following to see the potential reasons.
- Look at the lessons provided.
- See what skills and knowledge you gained from this experience.
- Look at the path this experience put you on or kept you from.
- Karmically, it happened so you could feel what it was like to be abandoned because in a past life, you abandoned someone.
As Divine Right Timing would have it, the night before I originally planned to post this, I started re-reading my next book for recommendations: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die by Karol K, Truman. In this book, Ms. Truman shares an excellent, proven tool for processing and healing feelings. (It also provided me with some excellent quotes!) I recommend you check it out if you require further help in letting go of the issues created by the perception of abandonment, neglect and rejection. (And for any issues you are “holding on” to.)
May you perceive and receive all your blessings.
With Much Love,
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