Are You Sabotaging Your Relationships?

Are You Sabotaging Your Relationships?

We don’t have to do anything to ruin our relationships beyond believing we are not worthy of love. This belief will control our behavior and continue to sabotage our relationships, unless and until we believe we are worthy of love and all the good life has to offer.

 

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Invalidating the MOST Destructive Belief-(“I’m Not Good Enough”) With Logic

Invalidating the MOST Destructive Belief-(“I’m Not Good Enough”) With Logic

I’m not good enough!

We already discussed how this belief may have occurred. Now let’s challenge it’s validity; it’s truth! Let’s tear down the walls this belief has bulit around you to keep people out!

I’m not good enough for what?

And

Who Says So?

If you’re lacking confidence and have low self-esteem, like I was, it is likely you’re holding this belief. Here is what I have learned.

  1. In some cases, people may have said things to us that lead us to believe this. But in most cases, it is something we came up with on our own. It is something we came to believe because we compared ourselves to other people: to the way they looked or to what they had or who they had.
  2. In cases of abuse, neglect and abandonment, it wasn’t you. Thebeliefs created are false and a result of assuming our treatment was a reflectionof our worth. You didn’t deserve the treatment you received and you didn’t cause it. You were dealing with someone who was damaged and/or something that had nothing to do with who you were.
  3. In other cases, we interpreted how people treated us as proof that we weren’t good enough. But:
    • Because we teach other people how to treat us by the example of how we treat ourselves, it is our lack of self-respect, self-esteem and self-love that basically gives other people permission to treat us as badly as we treat ourselves.
    • When we allow others to treat us in a disrespectful manner, it gives them permission to continue to do so. We’re responsible for the boundaries we allow and for the treatment we’re willing to accept, from ourselves and others.

When we carry this belief, we don’t have and don’t demonstrate self-respect or self-love, which people see, and follow our lead.

It is important that you understand that:

  • Everyone is doing the best they have with the tools, knowledge and presence of mind they have at any given moment will help you understand that oftentimes, the treatment you received had nothing to do with you.
  • Pain can cause you to misinterpret the behavior of others.

Know that this belief is harming you, your relationships and your potential success in life. Know that this belief is a false assumption you told yourself and turned into a belief as a result of your experiences: to make sense of your negative experiences. Why else would all this crap happen to me if it wasn’t because I deserved it; because I’m just not good enough? (See below.)

About Beliefs

We all have beliefs; some of them we’re aware of and others we aren’t. We learned many of our beliefs about ourselves by how we were treated and how others reacted to us. Some things were trained to believe, while others you may have inherited by force, adopted by default or chosen to fit in.

Regardless of whether we know about them or not, they have a major impact on how our lives take shape and run. They affect us either positively or negatively. The good news is we can choose our beliefs!

By becoming aware of all our beliefs and deciding which ones help us and which ones hider or hurt us, we can change the course of our lives. We can let go of those that don’t serve us; ones that may have served a purpose earlier in our lives to keep us safe, and ones that were never helpful in the first place.

 

May you perceive and receive all your blessings.

With Much Love,

Rev. Michele

Copyright © 2013 Indigo Sky, LLC; All Rights Reserved

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How to Master your Mind: Part 2- Evicting the Inner Critic and the Worrier

How to Master your Mind: Part 2- Evicting the Inner Critic and the Worrier

Please check out my Part 2 post on lifehack, How to Master your Mind: Part 2- Evicting the Inner Critic and the Worrier.

Please share this with anyone you know who worries too much and to those who lack confidence and self- esteem.

Help guide them to peace of mind!

May you perceive and receive all your blessings.

With Much Love,

Rev. Michele

Copyright © 2013 Indigo Sky, LLC; All Rights Reserved

 

 

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How to Heal Abandonment Issues

How to Heal Abandonment Issues

Does your story begin with “My mom/dad died or left when I was __years old.” or “I never knew my (real) mom/dad.”? Unless and until you have dealt with it, you will have subconscious abandonment issues that affect your thoughts, beliefs, behavior, and thus, your relationships. You need healing! Whether you are aware of it or not, you are probably holding feelings of abandonment, neglect or rejection deep inside of you. You must let go of them!

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Understanding the Effects of the Perception of Abandonment

Understanding the Effects of the Perception of Abandonment

To help you recognize it in your life of the life of others, I presented a list of life-situations that may yield the perception of and therefore the feelings of abandonment. Now, I will present you with the mental, emotional and behavioral effects of the perception of abandonment. These will help you determine if indeed you or someone you know is suffering from the effects of abandonment.

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Recognizing Abandonment

Recognizing Abandonment

There is so much pain out there and a good portion of it stems from unrecognized and therefore, unresolved issues of abandonment. Feelings of abandonment are not always as easy to recognize as feelings of neglect or abuse, therefore, they are less likely to be examined and more likely to linger.

But you can recognize your life situation in a list, or someone else’s.

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My Intro to Philosophy – Part Two

My Intro to Philosophy – Part Two

Today I continue my exploration of Stoicism and A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy. Mr. Irvine explains Stoicism and then modernizes it to make it more palatable for today’s human. His goal is to try to resurrect a promising philosophy for living a good life.  

Negative Visualization Continued:

It is generally done only a few times a day or a week. I don’t think a few times a week is enough. I express my gratitude many times a day. I currently have 5 daily gratitudes, not including all the spontaneous ones! I believe in trying to stay in a perpetual state of gratitude.

“…recognize that every time we do something could be the last time we do it and  this recognition can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent.” This is a productive strategy for appreciation, for understanding and accepting non-attachment and impermanence. The intention of this strategy is to minimize or eliminate negative (painful) emotions that disturb tranquility. I can see how it would lessen grief.

So overall, I think negative visualization can be a very effective technique if you are looking to:

  • minimize or eliminate your negative emotions
  • learn to appreciate what you have instead of stressing over what you don’t have
  • improve your relationships through increased appreciation
  • minimize the grief due to inevitable loss

Great goals!

 

Control and Desires

The next point of discussion in the book is about control and desires. Stoics believe that we have a choice when choosing our goals and desires; that we should choose goals and desires we have control over achieving, either all or some control, to ensure our tranquility.

Choosing internal vs. external goals; in other words, seek that which is easily obtainable. This doesn’t mean not going for your dream, just keep your goal to what you have total or some control over, and that is your behavior, your thoughts, your effort, and your best.

External circumstances can’t predict happiness; only we ourselves can ruin our lives, by not “living in accordance with correct values.” It is in our control to choose our values, and to choose what we value.

To be continued…

May you perceive and receive all your blessings.

With Much Love,

Rev. Michele

Copyright © 2013 Indigo Sky, LLC; All Rights Reserved

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